What does this mean? In relationship and covenant marriage, One can get lost and eventually drown in their efforts to make life normal for the other. We can spend years pouring out our time, solutions, and networking for the other so that their road is supported and smooth. Sooner or later if the other doesn’t take the horse by the reins it becomes a cyclone of crisis that we find ourselves in. We cannot keep apace of the other’s list of needs, worries and conflicts. Our own “self needs” slowly but surely disappear, and we find ourselves drained and sickly; and the same story of woe coming from our lips …to everyone.
This is the tell-tale sign that we are going on the wrong course and that all is “not well”…when we are disappearing into the cloud of chronic, crisis management.
“Love” this word that is thrown around to confirm our affection and commitment, becomes confused to the one that is constantly pouring out…or shall I say “spending”.
“Love” becomes the battle cry for our story, it becomes the line for our efforts, and it becomes the reason for our “spent”ness.
I’m sorry to say that this is blurred Christianity in the making. It is blurring the giver from seeing the promises for themselves. It is steam-rolling the hope and the beauty from one’s own story; it is destroying years off one’s own restoration and establishment.
I apologize to myself. I apologize for short-changing my health and my spirit from it’s right to health, and beauty and prosperity.
However, the error lies within me. If I am not helping and solving for someone else,then I believe I’m not fulfilled, or maybe I’m not deserving of goodness that comes my way. It’s an awful and terrible trap that one sets up for oneself…serving to the point where it correlates to self-value. To end these cycles is so painful, because it doesn’t come from the root story “you are using me, you are abusing me, you are taking advantage of me, you are burdening me”…..instead it comes from the root story that is the hardest one to claim: I need to change for myself, I need to let go of martydom-living because it is full of self-pity and generates only pity back to me; I have to free myself from being the strength for another, and just be myself to grow, develop, enjoy, share and love the other.
Children are very often needed to be cared for, to arrive at solutions for, and to deflect them from dangerous or careless decisions. But the need to do this for a fellow adult is wrong. It is wrong because we stop them from owning their own life, their own breakthrough moment, and their own resurrection. No one person can resurrect another…no one person can spend themselves wholly for another. As a Christian I can truly say that Christ did this for me. He spent to His uttermost and He is my strength whom I lean on.
Unless you’ve walked this similar path that we souls have walked, you will not understand us, and you will not be willing to understand either. This is a chaos that few are in…and few can understand.
To accept the other as a sociopath…or a person that just cannot change…is not being defeatist…it’s nothing to do with even my opinion…it is as it is. These people are KingPins of chaos….drama….crisis….disaster. And they leave the trail behind them of tears and heartache for the ones who didn’t detach from them in time for them to start growing.
God alone knows when the time is for that person to make their own shift…we pray there is time enough for everyone who lived the reckless life and imposed that on their loved ones…we want the best for them…but it’s not our business to make it happen. It is our only and sole business to now reinvent reality by investing into ourselves….this changes the family and it changes the other.
Fight to survive my friends! fight…
…from a moment with Dorothy!